SCAMA-RAMA LAMA DING DONG

“If it seems too good to be true it probably is.”

I knew that but I was loath to interrupt. The speaker was Maryanne from the New York State Attorney General’s Office of Consumer Fraud. She was a chatty Cathy and she seemed happy to have someone to talk to. I was content to listen.

My path to Maryanne began a few weeks earlier. Shelley’s beloved ’99 Cougar, after many years of exemplary service, finally bit the dust. We junked it for $100. We were left with only memories and four Blizzak snow tires mounted on steel wheels stored in our garage. I decided to try and sell them. I placed an ad on Craig’s list and waited for the offers to come pouring in.

I did get a coupla inquiries regarding the size of the tires, something I’d failed to include in the ad. Alas, no one wanted the size I had to offer. And then there was this, let’s politely call it “strange”, response:               

Hello, i will like to know if you still have this item for sale,  I will be at work till 10pm today... What area are you close to? or will be willing to meet? Cos i will like to buy it today or tommorow and pay you off but am going to church on Sunday..... 

Clearly an English as a second language correspondent. But this is Buffalo, a community of immigrants, and it wasn’t difficult to imagine a recently arrived Somalian, forewarned about ferocious winters, anxious to get his or her car ready.

I gave out my address. This response followed:

Thanks for returning my message...I'm Currently in Columbus am okay with the cost of the price, i will like to overnight the payment out to you asap, i will be paying with bank CASHIER CHECK/MONEY ORDER and I will wait for the PAYMENT  to clear before arranging for the pick up..i will also add $50 for keeping the item for me. I will be glad to have your  (i.e full name, mailing address, phone number and last asking price ) so payment can be mailed out immediately. I will also make arrangement for pick-up which will be after you must have received and cashed the payment.

 

Now it had gone beyond weird. Who is so desperate for used snow tires? And hey, wait a minute, this inquiry hadn’t even asked about the tire size. I could only conclude that I was being led on here. I was curious to see where this was all going and I couldn’t see how I could be hurt by going along. I replied, “OK”

 

                                             THE STING!

Here it is:

Am so happy to provide you the tracking number of the payment that was sent to you 1Z W0X 227 44 4160 8205 via www.ups.com,And the payment is about to deliver to you. All i want
you to do as soon as you get the payment is to get the rest of the funds sent to my shipper as soon as possible because the shipper are ready to come for the pick up tomorrow because i want the whole transaction done today before this weekend. So all i want you to do now
is just to get the rest funds wired via western union money transfer after you have deducted your item fund with $50 for running around more-so don't forget to deducted the western union charges and get back to me with the details that you used to send the money as soon as you
get the money sent, so the shipping agent can come for the pick-up as soon as possible too. This is the shipper's info you are to send the rest funds to: Jimmy Han, Bakersfield, CA 93313
Do get it done in no time and get back to me as soon as possible...Thanks

That email arrived on Friday. Here’s what arrived by UPS Next Day Air on Saturday:  

$1700!!! I gotta admit there was a brief moment when I felt way ahead of the game. But no. The scam was now revealed. So I decided to try and turn the tables. The return address on the envelope was a J P Morgan Chase branch in Ohio. I called them Monday morning asking them to authenticate the check. They couldn’t identify the account and passed me on to consumer service. They forwarded my call to their fraud department who advised me that the account against which this check was drawn was “compromised”. Sure enough, no payday for me.

Between the email telling me where to send my money and the UPS envelope in which the check arrived (surely there are surveillance cameras where it was posted) is sufficient evidence for the authorities to track down the miscreants. That’s how I ended up talking with cheery but not all that interested Maryanne.

“It’s a scam,” she said rattling off a catalog of similar such. “We haven’t the resources to chase them all. The best we can do is warn people…. If it seems too good to be true it probably is.”